Finding Calm as a Family

Classical music often stresses me out. Weird, I know! I still enjoy it but it is a visceral experience that gets my heart racing. For most people, I hear it’s relaxing. For me, not so much! We all have our own preferences and responses to things. That’s why, of all the things I teach, I believe helping children to find a variety of tools and strategies that help them to manage emotions, focus, and get out energy is the most important. It’s how they move from co-regulation to self-regulation.

I’ve worked with a few students who, when I first met them, were reliant on their families to help them calm down. Maybe it was a glass of chocolate milk, or needing to be held in a deep hug. I remember having a middle school-aged student whose main tool was getting a back massage from his family when he was upset. Now, that doesn’t fly so well at school for obvious reasons! So, I talked with the family about finding other tools - especially ones he could apply independently. We want children to be able to develop and express their own preferences. So, I suggested they start testing out different sensory tools, breathing exercises, and physical movements as a family and talking about which they liked, how it made them feel, and when they could them. That way, the student might be able to identify many different strategies that might work for them in different settings!

In our class, we spend half a day rotating through stations (guided by an adult) where students are introduced to all sorts of tools and exercises. I prepare clipboards with a graphic organizer that shows a picture and the name of each tool and has students evaluate how much they like or dislike the tool. This gets revised every year based on what tools are still in good shape and/or what new things I’ve found at the Dollar Store! There are even stations for physical exercises and a mindfulness station! At each station, the adult reviews how to use each exercise or sensory tool (and what it looks like as a tool vs. toy), and then students have a minute or two to test it out and evaluate it. At the end of the day, they reflect on which they’d be most likely to use at different times. Some tools help us to focus, some tools help us to calm down or feel good, and some tools help us to get out all our pent up energy!

Completed Fidget Finder.

Throughout the year, students also have free access to sensory tools in our classroom so they can get what they need, when they need it. We also practice different mindfulness strategies each day and I explain that we test out many different types, because not everything works for every person. I make sure even if I don’t like a particular tool, I introduce it to my students, in case they do.

This can also be done at home - with the whole family! And fortunately, this doesn’t need to cost a fortune! You can find items you already have at home or which are readily available at a Dollar store. I’ve developed a Fidget Finder organizer that can be used at home. It’s fully editable, so you can take a photo of different items you collect, enter it into the table, add the name, and test them out! You can review the difference between using it as a tool or toy, and even record the rules for them on this chart (or delete that column altogether if you know your child doesn’t need it). I’d recommend adults doing the writing to keep this a more enjoyable activity. Have your child or student rank how much they like the item and whether it would be good for any particular purpose. Later, you and your child can talk about which tools are good for which times on the second organizer, My Favourite Tools for Different Times. Again, we don’t want this to be a chore, so help them out by writing/typing for them - unless they’re into that sort of thing :)

To pick tools, think about finding ones that fall into these categories:

Different Textures (e.g., slimy, firm, soft, prickly, smooth)

• Putty

• Playdough

• Squeeze balls with different firmness levels

• Balloons filled with different substances like water beads, sand, or marbles. (These don’t last forever but they are very cool and easy to make!)

• Smooth stone

• Emery board or sand paper

• Cotton snow. (No idea what it’s actually called, but the material used on winter displays to look like snow!)

• Half a Velcro strip. (These work well when glued inside a desk for fingers to run over, and is a small, unobtrusive fidget.)

• Bubble wrap

• Seating cushions (e.g., gel, textured, memory foam)

Different Weights

Weighted blanket

Shoulder snake

Weighted stuffed animal

A rock, bowling ball, or weight to hold.(Not good if your child likes to throw things! The first rule of finding tools is “Know thy child”!)

Different Visual Effects (e.g., glitter, lighting up, spinning)

• Light up squeeze toys

• Fidget spinners

• Food colour water maze toy

• Sensory bags. (Lots of videos online of variations!)

• Sand timer

• Glitter jar

• Magnet jar, which is a jar filled with sequins, beads, and magnetic items (e.g., cut up pipe cleaners) that move when a magnet wand is moved along the outside of the jar.

• Squeeze toys with colours or visual objects inside

• Pinwheel

• Kaleidoscope

• Colouring sheets

Mindfulness Strategies

• 6 sides of breathing

• 4-7-8 breathing

• Guided meditations. (My students LOVE highly imaginative ones they can envision like a movie in their minds!)

• Body scan

• Affirmation mediation

• Head massager

• Soft bristled brush for use on arms

• Singing bowl

• Wind chimes

• Curating a relaxation playlist and listening with headphones

• Havening exercises

Movement Strategies

• Progressive muscle relaxation. (We do a variation in class where the adult points to a student’s arms or legs and the student has to focus on relaxing whatever body part is pointed to, sort of like Simon Says.)

• Jumping jacks

• Push ups

• Jumping up and down

• Spinning

• Rolling down a hill

• Bouncing a ball

• Playing a sport

• Dancing

• Exercise bike

Honestly, options are endless with a little creativity, and many tools fall into multiple categories! Although I make a day out of testing things out, you can introduce a couple of options on the weekend to try out and very gradually add to your list. Practice and review as a whole family! This is so vital to do while everyone is calm, so that in the moments everyone needs a tool, they know how to use it.

Don’t forget to do the second step where you have your child categorize tools. You can display that second organizer as a reminder of what tools work best for different situations, and prompt as needed! “Jimmy, would any of these tools work for you right now? I know it’s hard to focus on virtual school. Can I bring you a Rubik’s Cube?”

I’d love to hear unique tools you and your child have discovered, as I’m always looking for new things to tell my students and their families about! Feel free to comment below!